The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
