i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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