I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
