so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
