i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
