u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
