Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
