Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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