I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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