Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
