i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
