oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
