Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
