Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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