what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
