All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Farmville is her only friend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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