3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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