either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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