I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
