aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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