I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
