Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
