Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
