There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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