he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
