my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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