walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
