oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
