I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
