I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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