He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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