There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
