Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
