Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
