Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
