Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
