I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
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just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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