Your dad touched me again.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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