she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
