In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
