i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
