i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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