ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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