I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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