So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
