i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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