Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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