i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
