Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
