sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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