well I can't set my house on fire every night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize