walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
