You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
