Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
