apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
