im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
