I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
