you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
