So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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