Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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