this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
