You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
