tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
