sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
