my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
