Kareoke will never be a sober sport
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
