Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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