if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
