I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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