I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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