I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
