i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
