Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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