If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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